How to write a personal letter

A personal letter has one job: to reach another person. Not to inform them, not to request something, not to perform. Just to reach them, closing the distance between where you are and where they are, with words on paper.

It's a different goal than most writing, and it calls for a different approach.

Forget the formal rules

Formal letter-writing has conventions that exist to protect the writer from intimacy: Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inform you, Yours sincerely. None of that applies here. A personal letter isn't a business communication. You're allowed to sound like yourself.

You're allowed to start mid-thought. You're allowed to go back and contradict something you said two paragraphs ago. You're allowed to be funny, or sad, or uncertain. Those qualities are features of a personal letter. They're what make it feel real.

Know who you're writing to

This sounds obvious. It's not. A surprising number of personal letters read like they could be addressed to anyone: warm in a general way, full of feelings that don't attach to anything specific. The reader can tell. The letter that moves someone is the one that clearly knows them, that references the specific texture of the relationship, not just the category of it.

Before you write, spend a moment thinking about this particular person: the things they've said that you remember, the way they show up, what they mean to you that you've never quite articulated. That's your raw material. Everything else is just structure.

What to actually include

• A specific memory, observation, or moment between you
• The feeling you want to express, directly, not buried in pleasantries
• Something they should know that you haven't said enough
• A question, a wish, or a statement of intention: something that faces forward

You don't need all of these. One or two done well is better than all four done half-heartedly.

How long should it be?

Long enough to say what you mean. Short enough to stay focused. For most personal letters to a partner, a parent, a friend you've been out of touch with, that's probably two to five paragraphs. The constraint is good. It forces you to prioritize.

If you find yourself padding, ask: what am I avoiding saying? The answer is usually where the real letter is.

Send it as something real

Digital messages disappear into feeds and inboxes. A letter on paper is an object: something held, saved, found again years later in a jacket pocket. No notification has ever had that kind of staying power.

If you have something real to say, mailove will get it there. Tell us about the person you're writing to, share what you want to express, and we'll help you shape it into a personal letter printed on a real 4×6 postcard, mailed directly to their door.